Not good! Toxic relationships suck the absolute life out of you and leave you feeling like a tossed salad. All mixed up and stuck to the dressing. It’s adherent that people treat other people that way. I have zero tolerance for manipulation and deceit these days because I’ve been caught in that web before and it’s way too damaging and soul destroying! I’m sorry you were treated that way. No body deserves that! Be kind to yourself!
Your humour always shines through your writing though, which I love. 🌤️
It was really hard - and so messed up psychological - this was actually during the better times - when you are working yourself into the ground and paying someones rent and expenses etc - to help them get back on their feet after an 11 year relationship with a c@@t who left you fucked - its hard not only to be abused - but against the thing that put her in that position.
I know this word is overused but he was the most narcissistic human I’ve come across and she was so damaged by him. She had the worst understanding of alcoholism and addicts I’ve come across in 25 years - he had her in some warped spell - the lies and manipulation of 10 years that close up - she was only 18 when they met and he was like 25 or something - he basically twisted her whole brain - even in recovery he was a disgrace -
of course he gave up “the very day” she left him - more lies - danced around on instagram lying within weeks - she just got more and more sucked in and twisted.
and I tried to protect her image of him as a good person because it felt right not to take those 11 years away from her any more
so yeah, she got much worse, and I gave far more - I don’t defend some of her actions - especially the stealing and 2 years of all lies - but I also have to take my own responsibility for not only allowing it but rewarding her for it.
when she ghosted me after 2 years - it blew my life up - I’d given her £50,000 - all my savings - worked myself to the ground - and for what?! to be ghosted like garbage.
And I fell apart - and that’s not her doing - that’s mine - but we met in the gym I worked - and I trained her for free 4 times a week there - every time i went into there I just felt sick - so I quite my job - went on a 6 week bender etc
So yeah, it wasn’t the best - but I have to own my part in it
Thanks for reading and sorry for this long reply - I didn’t intend it to be - this whole 2 years of my life is a book in itself
All I kept thinking as I read, and read, and read.... was .... how much more is he gonna take?? And then he took a bit more ... my heart goes out to you friend.
First I have to apologise... This had me in stitches, I love the way you write, its brilliant and hilarious!
Second, I'm so sorry, your in the middle of this, I know only to well how hard it is to go through.
Third, there's no shame in the fact you're not ready to get out of your situation just now, but the fact that your naming it, is a sign its not too far off! Give yourself grace and love, you've clearly been bullied enough, no point bullying yourself as well.
Oh I'm glad you're at least physically out of that situation! Mentally you'll get there! I hope you don't let it spoil your future, I know it will for awhile at least though... I've followed you, looking forward to reading some more of your posts 😄
This is brilliant! You should finish and publish! I know, easier said than done!! I'm currently writing my memoir, but I keep procrastinating on it because it's so personal... As for my work here, I just joined last Saturday so only have a few pieces up. This space is more about the lessons I've learned through my experiences rather than my actual story, so not sure what one I'd recommend you read to be honest. I do have a published book, which I've posted the preface to on here.
Thank you! Now I just need to sell it 🤣 it was published mid February so its fairly new out. No it's not the memoir, I actually started writing the memoir first, completed the first draft, got too scared to publish it, ditched it and wrote the book I've published 🤣 now I'm on draft 2 of the memoir but I keep procrastinating 😖
i love that the “Red Flag Carnival” lists the receipts without flinching. Paying for a holiday, blowing £7K, cooking for someone who slams you on the sofa and brings up an ex as a weapon is not a price of admission; it’s extortion. The raw details about the flat, the food poisoning, and the pregnancy test text make it impossible to miss how much you were walking on eggshells. You named the pattern, and that’s the first step out.
If only it didn’t get a lot worse - and 7k overall wasn’t about 50k 🙃- but I have to take responsibility too - I not only allowed myself to be treated badly - I rewarded it -
It's so hard when you have been conditioned to work for love, to perform, made to think that any problem you are to blame for. You take on that identity and become the scapegoat everywhere, in all circumstances. I understand this and it makes it really easy to stay stuck in trauma bonds and create new ones with the most unhealthy people. Been there, done that....got with a narcissist once, while I was trying to figure out who I was and that did me in for over 7 years....glad you are out of that situation. You are OUT of that situation, right?
Yeah she ghosted me 2 years ago 🙃 - its funny because I’ve gone through far worse in life but nothing changed me or hit me as hard as that whole time - I don’t know why we continue to seek someone’s approval who has zero respect for you but we do crazy things - I wouldn’t mind if I was in love with her - I barely even liked her by the end - but hey 🙃
This is the second time I’ve read this story and I really want to smack this woman quite hard though im not violent she makes me feel violent.. or better yet send her to a third world nation where she has to eat grasshoppers and poop in a hole. Crazy how we do these stupid lavish labours of love for people who actually expect it and don’t appreciate it and insult you as you do it and how they get in our head and we allow it… twisted complex fuckery. You are a damn good writer.
Great read. If I didn't know how that feels, I would have laughed. 'I now appreciate its complexity'—I don't. It's too much for me to understand. It's an absolute piss-take how some can live, look in the mirror, and put their makeup on again the next day. I get you on everything there.
grrrrrr
Not good! Toxic relationships suck the absolute life out of you and leave you feeling like a tossed salad. All mixed up and stuck to the dressing. It’s adherent that people treat other people that way. I have zero tolerance for manipulation and deceit these days because I’ve been caught in that web before and it’s way too damaging and soul destroying! I’m sorry you were treated that way. No body deserves that! Be kind to yourself!
Your humour always shines through your writing though, which I love. 🌤️
It was really hard - and so messed up psychological - this was actually during the better times - when you are working yourself into the ground and paying someones rent and expenses etc - to help them get back on their feet after an 11 year relationship with a c@@t who left you fucked - its hard not only to be abused - but against the thing that put her in that position.
I know this word is overused but he was the most narcissistic human I’ve come across and she was so damaged by him. She had the worst understanding of alcoholism and addicts I’ve come across in 25 years - he had her in some warped spell - the lies and manipulation of 10 years that close up - she was only 18 when they met and he was like 25 or something - he basically twisted her whole brain - even in recovery he was a disgrace -
of course he gave up “the very day” she left him - more lies - danced around on instagram lying within weeks - she just got more and more sucked in and twisted.
and I tried to protect her image of him as a good person because it felt right not to take those 11 years away from her any more
so yeah, she got much worse, and I gave far more - I don’t defend some of her actions - especially the stealing and 2 years of all lies - but I also have to take my own responsibility for not only allowing it but rewarding her for it.
when she ghosted me after 2 years - it blew my life up - I’d given her £50,000 - all my savings - worked myself to the ground - and for what?! to be ghosted like garbage.
And I fell apart - and that’s not her doing - that’s mine - but we met in the gym I worked - and I trained her for free 4 times a week there - every time i went into there I just felt sick - so I quite my job - went on a 6 week bender etc
So yeah, it wasn’t the best - but I have to own my part in it
Thanks for reading and sorry for this long reply - I didn’t intend it to be - this whole 2 years of my life is a book in itself
All I kept thinking as I read, and read, and read.... was .... how much more is he gonna take?? And then he took a bit more ... my heart goes out to you friend.
I took another 6 months more - oh lol - and the rest of my life saving and dignity - 😭🤣 you have to laugh now -
it’s my doing
I posted a random a challenge a few of us are going to do which you might like (or hate) lol - but if you fancy it join in
you’ll get my vibe on the challenge shortly - eek!
First I have to apologise... This had me in stitches, I love the way you write, its brilliant and hilarious!
Second, I'm so sorry, your in the middle of this, I know only to well how hard it is to go through.
Third, there's no shame in the fact you're not ready to get out of your situation just now, but the fact that your naming it, is a sign its not too far off! Give yourself grace and love, you've clearly been bullied enough, no point bullying yourself as well.
Oh I’m physically out now ages - mentally I’m still stuck - she ghosted me early last year 🤦♂️😭 - but yes
thanks for reading - plenty more bad awkward humour over here - lol -
Oh I'm glad you're at least physically out of that situation! Mentally you'll get there! I hope you don't let it spoil your future, I know it will for awhile at least though... I've followed you, looking forward to reading some more of your posts 😄
thanks - i have followed you too - its all a bit weird and random over here -its a blend of trauma and bad banter really - lol -
this is the intro to my memoir (lol - never finished) which is a 1000 words and you’ll get the idea - lol
any particular articles of yours to start?
https://adhdguys.substack.com/p/exclusive-my-memoir-whats-it-about
This is brilliant! You should finish and publish! I know, easier said than done!! I'm currently writing my memoir, but I keep procrastinating on it because it's so personal... As for my work here, I just joined last Saturday so only have a few pieces up. This space is more about the lessons I've learned through my experiences rather than my actual story, so not sure what one I'd recommend you read to be honest. I do have a published book, which I've posted the preface to on here.
Wow you’ve published a book - congratulations 🍾
I had a quick read of your bio - humour and honesty sounds like my sort of thing. I always
Skimmed your first article but will go back over it all again properly later this evening.
When did the book get published? That’s not your memoir no?
Thank you! Now I just need to sell it 🤣 it was published mid February so its fairly new out. No it's not the memoir, I actually started writing the memoir first, completed the first draft, got too scared to publish it, ditched it and wrote the book I've published 🤣 now I'm on draft 2 of the memoir but I keep procrastinating 😖
This was funny and infuriating lol I really wanted the satisfaction of you dumping her ceremoniously, but it never came!
Our early relationships can really condition us to accept toxic behavior as normal. Sometimes even interpret it as love!
Thanks for reading - yeah its something Ive never been very successful at lol - I have to own it and take responsibility for my role in it all
Relationships are difficult in adulthood. Love is complicated. Cohesive control is never okay.
And I’ve not even got to the love stage 😭🤣
Yeah...one day...
not in my days - lol - I'll give it a miss 🤣
Fair call 😂🙃
🤣🤣 I dont have the capacity to even think of it as an option 🤣
Lol…that's a joke…you do you 🙃
🚲 it's like riding a bike, you fall and get up again…but you probably don't have a bike…
i love that the “Red Flag Carnival” lists the receipts without flinching. Paying for a holiday, blowing £7K, cooking for someone who slams you on the sofa and brings up an ex as a weapon is not a price of admission; it’s extortion. The raw details about the flat, the food poisoning, and the pregnancy test text make it impossible to miss how much you were walking on eggshells. You named the pattern, and that’s the first step out.
If only it didn’t get a lot worse - and 7k overall wasn’t about 50k 🙃- but I have to take responsibility too - I not only allowed myself to be treated badly - I rewarded it -
Thanks for reading.
Wow. Just wow....
These were good times too -
It got a lot worse - but I have to take responsibility for it - I not only allowed myself to be treated like that - I rewarded her for it -
Thanks for reading..
It's so hard when you have been conditioned to work for love, to perform, made to think that any problem you are to blame for. You take on that identity and become the scapegoat everywhere, in all circumstances. I understand this and it makes it really easy to stay stuck in trauma bonds and create new ones with the most unhealthy people. Been there, done that....got with a narcissist once, while I was trying to figure out who I was and that did me in for over 7 years....glad you are out of that situation. You are OUT of that situation, right?
Yeah she ghosted me 2 years ago 🙃 - its funny because I’ve gone through far worse in life but nothing changed me or hit me as hard as that whole time - I don’t know why we continue to seek someone’s approval who has zero respect for you but we do crazy things - I wouldn’t mind if I was in love with her - I barely even liked her by the end - but hey 🙃
Hindsight, right?
Yep 🙃
This is the second time I’ve read this story and I really want to smack this woman quite hard though im not violent she makes me feel violent.. or better yet send her to a third world nation where she has to eat grasshoppers and poop in a hole. Crazy how we do these stupid lavish labours of love for people who actually expect it and don’t appreciate it and insult you as you do it and how they get in our head and we allow it… twisted complex fuckery. You are a damn good writer.
I just laughed out loud.
Don’t worry I think I reached peak maturity.
She ghosted me in the end.
And I think I found the a way that is the ultimate ghosting comeback - 👻👻👻
The ultimate ghosting comeback?? Intriguing
Who better to ghost than the ghost itself 👻👻👻😂😂😂
Oh god, that must have been tough going. I sometimes forget that people like that do exist, and most often they attract/target kind hearted people...
It wasn’t the best 18 months of life - lol
Toxic poisoning is a fitting name for these types of relationships.
Great read. If I didn't know how that feels, I would have laughed. 'I now appreciate its complexity'—I don't. It's too much for me to understand. It's an absolute piss-take how some can live, look in the mirror, and put their makeup on again the next day. I get you on everything there.
It’s so embarrassing. This sort of shit went on for a year.
You never speak of it.
You know that very attractive 5ft 2” blonde girl thats always laughing and smiling… and her Insta is full of positivity… well…
exactly… no-one would believe you
lucky escape bro - she sounds like an extremely unpleasant individual - I was going to say human - but she doesn't fit that