My heart absolutely broke seeing you endure all this as a child. Nothing can shatter a human like being abandoned and violated by the very ones who were supposed to protect and nurture.
Yet, despite these horrific scars, you refused to become cruel and indifferent like them. You stand as a man full of love and kindness. And that is the ultimate form of defiance.
Power to you my friend. I wish you all the love in the universe and more.
This cuts deep.. Fear, anger, sorrow, sadness, confusion, disappointment.. not a single safe space. Not something any child should ever experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
Wow, so moving, important, shocking. All of the above really. Thanks for sharing this, that requires the level of courage I would not be able to summon…
Well your story is such a sad one through and through. I know she's older now, and what's done is done but I guess I just want you to have a happier ending. I'm so, so sorry for all you've been through.
I CAN SING EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG! 🤣🎤 I owned the CD with this track my sophomore year of high school. It was played often in my car once I got my driver's license.
Damn. This article is by far the saddest I've read on Substack, but with that being said I absolutely love your writing style. You take us up. You let us sit in that glow of being loved by Mr. Bendtner.
You let us (readers) fell that longing, that hope, that sun, that missing piece seeming like you might be finally getting something you've always dreamed of RIGHT before you drag us to the depths of your hell.
It's such powerful storytelling.
I can just feel the abuse radiating out of every single line. How oddly specific it is (like what your mom was wearing) but how your brain completely blacks out at other moments like sitting on the couch with a grown man in a robe while he asks you to sit by him.
Questioning your reality while living with a monster is something that is not delved into enough. I got so many full body chills reading this, but one of the lines that hit me the most was when you were talking about it was like living with two different people. And how your brain was trying to make sense of his actions (at school was he trying to show everyone what a "happy family" you were, or was he just trying to ensure you'd keep your mouth shut, and how it was probably a little bit of everything).
And as a former kindergarten teacher it absolutely broke me when you wrote there was no safe space. Home or school.
How young you were. How defenseless you were. How you should have been playing football on the playground and not dealing with adult issues.
And uggh where you protect your mother. How you allow her to let it go. You're a good man and I completely understand why you do, but something about that also makes my soul so sick. It's almost like abuse all over again. There's a little boy inside of you that needs healing, and she doesn't want to relive it. When you and your sisters never should have had to.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be judgmental. I've never had to walk a day in your mom's shoes but after reading what happened to you it just boils my blood.
Keep expelling this poison. It deeply resonates with so many quietly broken people. Those who haven't found their voice yet. And I promise, pieces like this make them feel less alone. <3
Yeah I get that. But it’s not all hoax black and white. There is a long history with things and so many more things happen. Remember my Mum doesn’t know this. And also she was a victim. And I don’t know what happened to her really. It was totally different times. A man could “legally” rape his wife in the UK at this time up until 1991 - and domestic violence wasn’t a police matter - it was considered a private issue.
I understand there is a whole side of her story I don't see and she can only see what she endured. I don't have any children. I've never had to be a single parent, but have loved many women who are. I know the majority of them struggle, and how could they not?!? It's a two person job and they are stuck doing it alone. I am incredibly empathetic to that.
But on your side, I think your soul is screaming for some kind of acknowledgement. That you hear directly from her lips that he was a terrible man. That he had no place in your home. That she looks you in your eyes and tells you she was in so deep and didn't know how to get him out. And I understand why that would be difficult, but I think in a rosy world there could be so much healing for both of you.
But either way, sending you the biggest virtual hug and thanking you for sharing.
Honestly me and my mum are the exact opposite in every way. There is nothing about us that really connects. It’s just one of those things. My mum had 5 kids, 1 disabled son, 3 girls and then an adhd me: she worked 4 nights a week as we lived in a shit run down council estate with no money. She wasn’t parenting in any other way but providing and surviving. I don’t ever remember being hugged at all - I can’t remember her ever saying things mums do / if I’m honest during my addiction we despised one another and I’m not sure that 10 years we ever can back from. She’s 81 now and she has had a shit life so it’s best to just let things go. She is who she is .
This moved me very deeply indeed, and I am very sorry. Right now I don't have much more to say beyond that, but didn't want to leave it at a Like, which feels an odd way of acknowledging your extraordinary writing.
It moved me deeply to read this, thank you for having the courage to share those memories, as terrible as it is. It is a part of healing and I hope it reaches others who haven't been able to get there yet and release stories of their past that need to be seen and felt with love and compassion from others rather than buried inside.
thanks Lyra - it’s one I don’t really have much to say on - words don’t really come easily - despite that fairly long chapter - but my whole life I’ve found humour got me through everything - but this part of life - I don’t seem to exist in the same way - god even thats sounds bizarre
I know how that feels. And there is a reason why there are words for some things and other parts of the same situation are still just a vague feeling. It's good like this.
And that's one of the reasons why I love hypnosis. Because you don't need words. And you don't need clear memories. Your subconscious has a reason to protect you and hypnosis works exactly there without any drama, just a way to release things on a deep level that can't be grabbed by our conscious awareness.
It's our conscious thoughts, judgements, shame and outer expectations that make everything so complicated. You can be proud of your way of moving along your path!
This is utterly heart breaking to read..i am so sorry any of this happened to you! You deserved so much better than this and yes you're right...not being able to fully remember is your brain's way of protecting you but it does not mean that it didn't happen. It just means that whatever did happen must be too bad for your brain to let you recall. But this is absolutely awful and i really wish you had been given a better start in life than this!
I also hope this man is not still working with kids? Or that he atleast stopped working with kids when you knew him?
This was a great piece of writing though, i just wish it was something less painful for you!
Nobody should ever have to write this. I am sorry. I say a pray for you know. I hope that moster is forever buried, eventually in your past. And I do hope from these ashes, you, your very you, bring light out to this darkness, and so many others.
My heart absolutely broke seeing you endure all this as a child. Nothing can shatter a human like being abandoned and violated by the very ones who were supposed to protect and nurture.
Yet, despite these horrific scars, you refused to become cruel and indifferent like them. You stand as a man full of love and kindness. And that is the ultimate form of defiance.
Power to you my friend. I wish you all the love in the universe and more.
Thank you 🙏 it was a 35 years ago now - but yeah - we’ve both had a rough ride
The writing is beautiful, so personal, raw, vulnerable. I am sorry this happened to you.
Thanks @Kris Smith
This cuts deep.. Fear, anger, sorrow, sadness, confusion, disappointment.. not a single safe space. Not something any child should ever experience. Sending you a virtual hug.
I don’t know what to say. I’m stunned that you can talk about it all so calmly. Takes a braver person than me! So so sorry you had to experience this.
I wrote a full reply but it vanished - so I’ll just keep it brief / thanks for reading - there is to it which will come at some stage -
Hope you’ve settled into the new job well
Wow, so moving, important, shocking. All of the above really. Thanks for sharing this, that requires the level of courage I would not be able to summon…
🫶
Well your story is such a sad one through and through. I know she's older now, and what's done is done but I guess I just want you to have a happier ending. I'm so, so sorry for all you've been through.
Not sure she made the US - but here’s the reply in full on 🧀🧀🧀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7k0a5hYnSI
I CAN SING EVERY WORD TO THIS SONG! 🤣🎤 I owned the CD with this track my sophomore year of high school. It was played often in my car once I got my driver's license.
No way lol - I wanna hear it
I bet her brother didn’t make it over in the US - he was dreadful
Bahahaha! Poor guy was kind of a "one hit wonder" and disappeared with this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeCnEY_AemU&list=RDaeCnEY_AemU&start_radio=1
I think he had a slower song my mom kinda liked too, but it was too mushy.
What he made it in the US too? No way lol 😂
Damn. This article is by far the saddest I've read on Substack, but with that being said I absolutely love your writing style. You take us up. You let us sit in that glow of being loved by Mr. Bendtner.
You let us (readers) fell that longing, that hope, that sun, that missing piece seeming like you might be finally getting something you've always dreamed of RIGHT before you drag us to the depths of your hell.
It's such powerful storytelling.
I can just feel the abuse radiating out of every single line. How oddly specific it is (like what your mom was wearing) but how your brain completely blacks out at other moments like sitting on the couch with a grown man in a robe while he asks you to sit by him.
Questioning your reality while living with a monster is something that is not delved into enough. I got so many full body chills reading this, but one of the lines that hit me the most was when you were talking about it was like living with two different people. And how your brain was trying to make sense of his actions (at school was he trying to show everyone what a "happy family" you were, or was he just trying to ensure you'd keep your mouth shut, and how it was probably a little bit of everything).
And as a former kindergarten teacher it absolutely broke me when you wrote there was no safe space. Home or school.
How young you were. How defenseless you were. How you should have been playing football on the playground and not dealing with adult issues.
And uggh where you protect your mother. How you allow her to let it go. You're a good man and I completely understand why you do, but something about that also makes my soul so sick. It's almost like abuse all over again. There's a little boy inside of you that needs healing, and she doesn't want to relive it. When you and your sisters never should have had to.
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be judgmental. I've never had to walk a day in your mom's shoes but after reading what happened to you it just boils my blood.
Keep expelling this poison. It deeply resonates with so many quietly broken people. Those who haven't found their voice yet. And I promise, pieces like this make them feel less alone. <3
Yeah I get that. But it’s not all hoax black and white. There is a long history with things and so many more things happen. Remember my Mum doesn’t know this. And also she was a victim. And I don’t know what happened to her really. It was totally different times. A man could “legally” rape his wife in the UK at this time up until 1991 - and domestic violence wasn’t a police matter - it was considered a private issue.
I understand there is a whole side of her story I don't see and she can only see what she endured. I don't have any children. I've never had to be a single parent, but have loved many women who are. I know the majority of them struggle, and how could they not?!? It's a two person job and they are stuck doing it alone. I am incredibly empathetic to that.
But on your side, I think your soul is screaming for some kind of acknowledgement. That you hear directly from her lips that he was a terrible man. That he had no place in your home. That she looks you in your eyes and tells you she was in so deep and didn't know how to get him out. And I understand why that would be difficult, but I think in a rosy world there could be so much healing for both of you.
But either way, sending you the biggest virtual hug and thanking you for sharing.
Honestly me and my mum are the exact opposite in every way. There is nothing about us that really connects. It’s just one of those things. My mum had 5 kids, 1 disabled son, 3 girls and then an adhd me: she worked 4 nights a week as we lived in a shit run down council estate with no money. She wasn’t parenting in any other way but providing and surviving. I don’t ever remember being hugged at all - I can’t remember her ever saying things mums do / if I’m honest during my addiction we despised one another and I’m not sure that 10 years we ever can back from. She’s 81 now and she has had a shit life so it’s best to just let things go. She is who she is .
This moved me very deeply indeed, and I am very sorry. Right now I don't have much more to say beyond that, but didn't want to leave it at a Like, which feels an odd way of acknowledging your extraordinary writing.
Thanks - appreciated it.. I don’t have much to add either - it’s a long time ago now
It moved me deeply to read this, thank you for having the courage to share those memories, as terrible as it is. It is a part of healing and I hope it reaches others who haven't been able to get there yet and release stories of their past that need to be seen and felt with love and compassion from others rather than buried inside.
thanks Lyra - it’s one I don’t really have much to say on - words don’t really come easily - despite that fairly long chapter - but my whole life I’ve found humour got me through everything - but this part of life - I don’t seem to exist in the same way - god even thats sounds bizarre
I know how that feels. And there is a reason why there are words for some things and other parts of the same situation are still just a vague feeling. It's good like this.
And that's one of the reasons why I love hypnosis. Because you don't need words. And you don't need clear memories. Your subconscious has a reason to protect you and hypnosis works exactly there without any drama, just a way to release things on a deep level that can't be grabbed by our conscious awareness.
It's our conscious thoughts, judgements, shame and outer expectations that make everything so complicated. You can be proud of your way of moving along your path!
This is utterly heart breaking to read..i am so sorry any of this happened to you! You deserved so much better than this and yes you're right...not being able to fully remember is your brain's way of protecting you but it does not mean that it didn't happen. It just means that whatever did happen must be too bad for your brain to let you recall. But this is absolutely awful and i really wish you had been given a better start in life than this!
I also hope this man is not still working with kids? Or that he atleast stopped working with kids when you knew him?
This was a great piece of writing though, i just wish it was something less painful for you!
I’m keep it brief - thank you.
Errrr… no hes not working with kids… there’s more to the story -
as of 2023/24 - I believe he is either dead or no longer uses the name.
Nobody should ever have to write this. I am sorry. I say a pray for you know. I hope that moster is forever buried, eventually in your past. And I do hope from these ashes, you, your very you, bring light out to this darkness, and so many others.
thank you Ana 🫶
Thankyou it was 36 years ago so it’s ok now - 🫶